The Role of Body Language in a Health Relationship

Body language is the primary way in which we communicate language. In fact, 80% of

communication is nonverbal, but we often miss it because we are too focused on the

verbal. In every relationship, it is not just what we say, but what we don't say (verbally).

Body language speaks louder than words and shapes our intimacy, trust, and overall

connection. In this article, you will learn more about the importance of body language

and what you may be missing when communicating or managing conflict.

Body Language as the Silent Communicator

Body language includes facial expressions, touch, eye contact, gestures, and even

appearance. The way that we present ourselves can say a lot about how we are feeling

on the inside. Some forms of communication can be more straightforward than others.

For example, we have 43 different muscles in our faces, making facial expressions one

of the most revealing parts of body language communication. If someone claims to be

happy, but their face does not match that expression, it may be harder to accept that

reaction as genuine.

Facial expressions often reveal emotions before words do. A subtle raise of the

eyebrows, a tight smile, or a frown can convey feelings that someone may not be able

to articulate. Similarly, posture can reflect confidence, openness, or defensiveness.

Leaning toward someone during a conversation shows attentiveness and interest, while

leaning away may suggest disengagement or discomfort. Even small gestures, such as

fidgeting or shifting weight from foot to foot, can reveal nervousness or impatience.

Paying attention to these signals helps people better understand others’ true feelings

and respond thoughtfully, creating stronger connections.

Nonverbal Cues Reveal True Emotions

Someone's overall body language can be very telling of their true feelings or emotions.

When speaking to someone who is engaged in the conversation, they will often give

clues into how engaged they are. Angling your body towards the person you are

communicating shows that you are invested and giving them your full attention. On

the other hand, body language, such as crossing arms during a conversation, can signal

feelings of defensiveness or being closed off. These cues are often more accurate than words alone. For instance, someone may verbally assure you they are fine, yet their slouched posture, averted gaze, or tense hands may tell a different story. Noticing these signals allows you to respond with empathy rather than relying solely on verbal assurances. Recognizing nonverbal cues also enhances conflict resolution. Understanding when someone feels defensive or

anxious, helps prevent escalation and facilitates a calmer, more productive conversation.

Eye Contact Builds Connection

Have you ever heard the term “eyes are a mirror of the soul”? Eye contact can signal an

entire conversation. Many couples will look at each other in new situations to gauge

each other's reactions. This can symbolize trust, safety, familiarity, and mutual

understanding. Eye contact is essential for making the other person feel heard in a

relationship. It can be tempting to look away during a conversation, but this can be

perceived as disinterest. With this being said, it is best to maintain eye contact in

serious or intimate discussions for about 70% of the time.

Proper eye contact shows attentiveness and engagement, reinforcing trust and

emotional closeness. It can help partners understand subtle emotional cues, such as

surprise, concern, or joy, without needing to verbalize them. Maintaining consistent eye

contact helps synchronize emotional understanding, making communication feel more

genuine. However, it is vital to balance eye contact with natural breaks so that it does

not feel intimidating or forced. By practicing mindful eye contact, couples can create a

stronger sense of connection and mutual understanding.

*Note, there are certain instances, such as neurodivergence, where direct eye contact may not allow them to fully process the conversation.

Touch Fosters Intimacy

How we respond to touch and how we initiate touch play a significant role in

intimacy in a relationship. If your partner said that your hair looked out of place,

accompanied by closed or dismissive body language, this may feel more hurtful than if

your partner tucked the hair into place for you with a smile. Physical touch can help us

feel closer to our partners. Actions like holding hands when crossing the street or

putting an arm around a partner in a public place can help foster a sense of closeness.

Couples who are in love tend to become more in sync with each other's mannerisms

over time, having spent extended periods of closeness and intimacy.

Touch conveys care and reassurance in ways that words often cannot. Even small

gestures, such as a pat on the back, a hand squeeze, or a gentle hug, communicate

empathy, support, and love. Over time, these gestures build emotional security and

deepen attachment. Being mindful of how touch is used allows partners to strengthen

intimacy, reduce stress, and improve overall relationship satisfaction. Nonverbal

affection also reinforces verbal communication, creating a more meaningful connection.

Being Mindful of Body Language helps repair misunderstandings.

When one partner repeatedly does not respond to the other partner's touch, it can feel

like an indication that the relationship is drifting. Being mindful of body language with

your partner can help add reassurance to the relationship. Maintaining eye contact can help conversations flow and feel more valued, and take away from feelings of

misunderstanding when communicating. Mindfulness of body language is also critical when addressing conflict.

Misunderstandings often arise when intentions are unclear, and nonverbal cues are

misread. By being aware of one’s posture, gestures, and facial expressions, individuals

can reduce tension and show empathy, even in difficult conversations. Checking in with

a partner about their feelings and observing their body language can prevent minor

issues from becoming larger problems. This conscious awareness strengthens trust,

reassures both partners, and allows for healthier communication overall.

Cultural and Personal differences matter when communication is nonverbal.

It is essential to understand your partner's cultural and personal differences. This allows

for a better understanding when communicating both verbally and nonverbally. Being

mindful of these differences helps avoid misunderstandings and misinterpretations.

Different cultures and individuals assign varied meanings to gestures, eye contact, and

touch. For example, a gesture considered friendly in one culture might be seen as

disrespectful in another. Similarly, some people may be more comfortable with physical

affection than others. Discussing preferences openly and observing nonverbal reactions

helps partners respect boundaries and communicate more effectively. Awareness of

these differences fosters sensitivity, reduces miscommunication, and promotes a

relationship environment founded on understanding and respect.

If you and your partner are ready to deepen your connection beyond words, consider

joining our couple intensive or upcoming retreat in February. At Lavender Healing

Center, our goal is to help you learn from each other on a deeper, more intimate level,

creating a relationship where you truly feel seen.