Why Talking About Sex Makes Your Relationship Stronger

Written by Madeline Lee, B.S. Edited and reviewed by Kasey Scharnett King, LMFT-S, CST

Sex is a deeply personal part of a relationship, yet many couples find it tough to discuss. The

discomfort of talking about sex often leads to avoidance, but silence can create emotional

distance and hurt the relationship. Research shows that open sexual communication is crucial for satisfaction, 

connection, and a fulfilling sex life. Here’s how these conversations can strengthen your relationship in unexpected

ways.

1. Communication Reduces Misunderstandings

Many sexual problems stem from misunderstandings rather than lack of interest. Often, one

partner believes everything is fine while the other feels disconnected or unsure how to express

their needs. A 2018 study by Jones, Robinson, and Seedall found that higher levels of sexual communication

were linked with more orgasms in women and greater sexual and relationship satisfaction in both

partners. Simply talking openly helped couples feel closer and more fulfilled (Jones et al., 2018).

2. Talking About Sex Deepens Emotional Intimacy

Sexual conversations aren’t just about pleasure, they foster emotional closeness. Sharing desires

and fears may feel vulnerable but they strengthen intimacy.

Additionally, Feeling safe to share without judgment builds trust, which often leads to greater

physical intimacy and a stronger emotional bond. A 2020 study by Roels and Janssen found that talking about sex, not how often couples had sex, was what predicted relationship satisfaction in young couples. More sex didn’t make people

happier, but more honesty did (Roels & Janssen, 2020).

3. Addressing Concerns Early Prevents Bigger Problems Later

Couples often delay discussing sexual concerns like mismatched drives, discomfort, or

insecurities. Avoiding these conversations can lead to resentment, avoidance, or emotional

distance. Honest, early conversations allow couples to find solutions, try new approaches, adjust

expectations, or seek support if needed. Silence lets problems escalate, while talking keeps them

manageable.

4. Talking About Sex Reduces Shame and Builds Confidence

Shame and insecurity about sex often stem from upbringing, past experiences, or cultural

messages. Not talking about these feelings can make them worse.Open conversations with a trusted partner normalize your wants and needs, showing your

feelings are valid and worthy of understanding.

Such communication builds sexual confidence and self-esteem. Feeling accepted by a partner is

empowering.

5. How to Start the Conversation (Without Making It Awkward)

Talking about sex doesn’t have to be a big, intimidating event. It can be gentle, brief, and natural. Here are some easy ways to begin:

Choose a calm, private moment

Avoid bringing it up during sex or in a tense moment. Pick a time when you’re relaxed.

Use “I” statements

This keeps the conversation safe and non-blaming.

“I feel really close to you when we talk about what we enjoy.”

Start small

You don’t have to talk about everything right away. You can start with:

“I loved when you did ___.”

“How do you feel about ___?”

“What helps you feel most desired?”

Be curious, not critical.

Ask questions to understand your partner, not to judge.

These small steps set the tone for healthy communication over time.

Why This Conversation Matters More Than You Think

Avoiding conversations about sex may seem easier, but it creates long-term distance. Partners

end up guessing instead of understanding, blocking intimacy and weakening trust. The research is clear:

● Couples who communicate about sex experience better sexual and relationship satisfaction (Jones et al., 2018).

● Communication, not sexual frequency, is what predicts relationship happiness (Roels & Janssen, 2020). Sexual communication is not about criticism or fixing your relationship; it builds openness, connection, and safety. Honest conversations about desires, fears, and boundaries make relationships stronger and more fulfilling. Sexual communication is not only about your sex life. It’s also about the overall 

health of your relationship.

If communication about sex is a struggle and it has greatly impacted your marriage, relationships or personal life over the years, let’s change that. Connect with us today and see how we can help.

References

Jones, A. C., Robinson, W. D., & Seedall, R. B. (2018). The Role of Sexual Communication in

Couples' Sexual Outcomes: A Dyadic Path Analysis. Journal of marital and family therapy,

44(4), 606–623. https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12282

Roels, R., & Janssen, E. (2020). Sexual and Relationship Satisfaction in Young, Heterosexual

Couples: The Role of Sexual Frequency and Sexual Communication. The journal of sexual

medicine, 17(9), 1643–1652. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jsxm.2020.06.013