Is Technology Helping or Hurting Our Relationships?
Written by Madeline Lee, B.S. Edited by Kasey Scharnett King, LMFTHow Technology Impacts Modern Relationships and Couples Therapy
Technology has changed almost everything about the way we live: how we work, how we learn, how we shop, and definitely how we communicate. For long-distance relationships, families separated by states or continents, and friends who don’t see each other often, technology can be a lifeline. FaceTime calls with your sister, sharing TikToks with your best friend, sending voice notes to your mom. Technology keeps us connected even when we’re miles apart.
But what about the people who are sitting right next to us?
This is where things can get complicated.
Smartphones, apps, and constant connectivity have created new patterns in modern relationships. Some are helpful, some are harmful, and some we are still figuring out. While digital tools can support communication, they can also interrupt it, distract from it, or even replace it. Many couples who seek couples therapy notice that technology plays a role in emotional distance or miscommunication. Understanding both sides of technology’s influence can help couples build healthier habits and a more intentional connection.
“Phubbing” and Its Impact on Relationships and Marriage Counseling
One of the most talked-about issues in recent research is something you may have noticed in your own life: phubbing. Short for phone snubbing, it refers to the act of directing one's attention to a phone instead of the person they are with.
It might be glancing at notifications during a date, scrolling while your partner is talking, or keeping the phone on the table, face up, just in case something important comes through.
A 2016 study by Krasnova and colleagues found that frequent phubbing in romantic relationships can create real emotional consequences. Couples reported more conflict, lower relationship satisfaction, and even reduced overall well-being. In marriage counseling in Southlake and Fort Worth, TX, these patterns often show up as feelings of being dismissed or unimportant. Even brief moments of divided attention can send the message: what is on my screen matters more than you right now.
While most people do not intend to convey this, it is easy for it to become a habit that slowly erodes closeness.
Technoference and Emotional Distance in Marriage Counseling and Couples Therapy
Even if someone is not outright phubbing, technology can still interfere with intimacy in more subtle ways. In a 2019 study by McDaniel and Drouin, more than half of couples reported experiencing technoference, meaning technology interruptions, on at least a few days during a two-week study period. Nearly three-quarters experienced it at least once.
Technoference might look like:
Checking a work email during dinner
A notification breaking the flow of a deep conversation
Pausing a story to answer a text
Watching TV while scrolling social media
Keeping the phone nearby during quality time, just in case
Individually, these interruptions seem small. Over time, however, they can add up to fewer moments of genuine connection. Couples therapy often helps partners identify how these patterns impact emotional safety and closeness. Many marriage counselors see that constant digital interruptions unintentionally communicate emotional unavailability.
When Technology Strengthens Connection in Couples Therapy
Despite its challenges, technology is not inherently harmful. Used intentionally, it can support closeness in meaningful ways.
A 2015 study by Luo and Tuney found that when college students sent at least one text a day to their partner for two weeks, they reported a slight increase in relationship satisfaction, even when the content of the text did not matter much.
This suggests that the act of reaching out itself, such as saying “I’m thinking about you” or “Hope your day is going well,” can strengthen emotional bonds. In couples therapy in Southlake and Fort Worth, TX, this is often reframed as intentional connection rather than constant connection.
Technology can help couples by:
Facilitating quick check-ins
Allowing expressions of affection throughout the day
Helping partners coordinate plans
Maintaining connection during separations or busy schedules
Offering shared experiences such as memes, playlists, or photos
The key difference is intention. When technology is used as a tool for connection rather than distraction, it can support healthier relationships.
Why Couples and Marriage Counselors See Technology Issues So Often
Modern technology was not designed with relationships in mind. It was designed to capture attention. Notifications, algorithms, and endless streams of content pull us into our screens not because we lack discipline, but because these systems are built to keep us engaged.
As a result, couples often find themselves navigating:
Competing sources of attention
Different digital boundaries
Unspoken expectations around texting and availability
Digital misunderstandings where tone does not translate well
A couple’s therapist or marriage counselor can help partners identify these patterns and develop shared expectations. These challenges are not signs of incompatibility. They are signals that the digital world requires new relational skills.
Creating Healthier Tech Habits With a Couples Therapist
While every relationship is different, small changes can significantly reduce digital friction.
Setting technology-free moments
This might include meals, the first hour after coming home, the last 30 minutes before bed, or weekly date nights.
Communicating openly about expectations
Couples therapy encourages direct conversations about texting frequency, quality time, and what interruptions feel acceptable.
Using technology to express care
Texts, voice notes, or short check-ins can communicate warmth when used intentionally.
Being mindful of presence
Placing the phone face down or turning off notifications during conversations can increase emotional attunement.
Marriage counseling and couples therapy help partners practice these skills in a supportive environment.
Technology, Relationships, and the Role of Couples Therapy
Phones are not going anywhere. Social media is not disappearing. Technology will continue shaping modern relationships.
Connection does not happen automatically. It happens intentionally.
Technology can support love or strain it. The difference lies in awareness, boundaries, and shared effort. Through couples therapy or marriage counseling, partners can learn how to use technology in ways that support intimacy rather than replace it.
Ready to Reconnect With Support From a Couples Therapist?
If technology is creating distance in your relationship, you do not have to navigate it alone. Working with a couples therapist or marriage counselor in Fort Worth, TX can help you rebuild connection, improve communication, and create healthier boundaries around technology.
Getting started is simple:
Learn About Couples Therapy
Discover how couples therapy and marriage counseling can support communication and emotional closeness.Contact Us for Your First Session
Reach out to schedule your initial couples therapy appointment in Fort Worth or Southlake. Virtual therapy is also available across Texas.Start Connecting in Couples Therapy
Begin building intentional habits and a stronger connection with professional support.
Other Services Offered at Lavender Healing Center
In addition to couples therapy and marriage counseling, Lavender Healing Center in Fort Worth, TX offers:
We provide in-person therapy in Fort Worth and Southlake and virtual therapy throughout Texas.
References
Krasnova, H., Abramova, O., Notter, I., & Baumann, A. (2016). Why phubbing is toxic for your relationship: Understanding the role of smartphone jealousy among “Generation Y” users. ECIS 2016 Research Papers, 109. https://aisel.aisnet.org/ecis2016_rp/109
Luo, S., & Tuney, S. (2015). Can texting be used to improve romantic relationships? The effects of sending positive text messages on relationship satisfaction. Computers in Human Behavior, 49, 670–678. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2014.11.035
McDaniel, B. T., & Drouin, M. (2019). Daily technology interruptions and emotional and relational well-being. Computers in Human Behavior, 99, 1–8. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2019.04.027
