5 Ways to improve the intimacy in your relationship Today
Understanding Intimacy in Marriage: Beyond Sex
People often assume couples come to marriage counseling mainly because of infidelity. The truth is far from that. Most couples I see struggle with intimacy. But what exactly is intimacy? I receive a wide range of answers from clients, and you may fall into one or two categories:
Two Common Definitions of Intimacy
A. Intimacy as Sex
Over 80 percent of the couples I see define intimacy primarily as a sexual connection.
B. Intimacy as Emotional Connection
Some couples define intimacy as an emotional and mental connection, focusing on feeling understood and mentally stimulated by their partner.
The truth is, intimacy can be both physical and emotional. It is the way we show love through connection. Intimacy can be physical, mental, or emotional, and it shows up in every relationship—from your spouse or partner to your children or parents. While there are many types of intimacy, this article focuses on emotional connection without sex.
How to Build Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship
1. Define Intimacy for Yourself and Your Partner
Take time to define what intimacy means to you and discuss it with your partner. Many couples do not know how to ask for what they need because they are unclear on their own desires. Keep in mind that some needs may not be the responsibility of your partner.
2. Spend Time Loving Yourself
Self-love is essential. Explore and care for your body, learn your needs, and boost your self-confidence. This practice helps you communicate your desires clearly to your partner, improving both emotional and physical intimacy.
3. Schedule Time to Connect Daily
Create a specific time to connect each day. For many couples, this is in the evening after the kids are asleep. Find a time when you have enough energy to be fully present and give quality attention to your relationship.
4. Turn Off Devices
Digital distractions can interfere with connection. Unplugging from phones, TVs, and computers during your time together allows for undivided attention and deeper emotional closeness.
5. Physical Touch Matters
Do you know about the 8-second hug? Holding a hug for eight seconds does more than provide physical closeness. Scientifically, it releases oxytocin, the feel-good hormone, lowers stress levels, improves mental health, and enhances overall well-being. Try it with your partner today.
Why Intimacy Is Essential
A relationship cannot survive without intimacy. It is how we connect, take up space together, and show care and affection. Without intimacy, partners risk becoming like neighbors living in the same home.
All of these tools, self-love, daily connection, turning off devices, and physical touch, are actionable and can be implemented immediately. If you find yourself struggling to apply these tools, consider seeking help from a couples therapist or sex therapist. Sex therapy provides guidance, practical strategies, and support to rebuild closeness and maintain a healthy, intimate relationship.
Take the Next Step Today
Contact Lavender Healing Center to schedule your free 10-minute consultation.
Meet with an experienced couples therapist or sex therapist who will offer personalized guidance for your unique needs.
Begin your journey toward a more connected and intimate relationship through practical tools and professional support.
Other Services at Lavender Healing Center
Couples therapy and intimacy counseling are just part of the care we provide. Our Southlake and Fort Worth practice also offers:
Premarital counseling
Marriage intensives
Sex therapy
Family Therapy
Therapy for therapists
Supervision and consultation
Marriage counseling
Reiki
Brainspotting
Explore our full range of services designed to support your mental, emotional, and relational well-being.
