January, Divorce, and the Children in Between
Partners holding their children
Written by Madeline Lee, M.S and edited by Kasey Scharnett King, LMFT-S, CST
Many people call January “divorce month.” Once the holidays are over and routines return,
couples often face issues they may have put off. The pressure to appear happy fades, and the
New Year brings a time for reflection and tough choices. Factors like clearer finances, tax
paperwork, and new goals can all lead to more divorce filings in January.
Divorce is often talked about in terms of adult choices and legal steps, but it is also a sensitive
time for children. For kids, the New Year can bring uncertainty and emotional challenges instead
of a fresh start. It is important to think about how children feel during these changes and to
include their voices to help protect their mental health.
Why January Is Such a Turning Point
The holidays often act as an emotional pause. Many parents delay conversations about separation
in an effort to preserve a sense of normalcy for their children, hoping to avoid disrupting
celebrations or family traditions. Once January arrives, that pause ends. The emotional and
logistical weight of unresolved conflict can feel heavier after waiting, and the desire for change
more urgent.
January brings back daily routines. School starts again, work schedules settle, and families return
to normal life. With fewer distractions, relationship problems that were hidden during the
holidays become clearer. Parents may start to question if staying together fits with their values,
mental health, or future plans.
For children, this timing can be unsettling. They might notice tension during the holidays without
knowing why, and then face big changes soon after. The shift from family celebrations to
separation can make them feel confused, sad, anxious, or afraid. That is why January is an
important time to focus on children’s needs during divorce.
Children’s Experiences During Divorce
For children, divorce is not just one event. It is a process that affects their sense of safety and
who they are. Kids may worry about where they will live, how often they will see each parent, or
if they are to blame. They can also feel sad, angry, guilty, or torn between parents.
Studies show that children often understand more than adults think, even if they cannot put it
into words. If children are left out of conversations, they may make guesses that cause morestress. But when
they are encouraged to share their feelings in ways that fit their age, they tend to
feel safer and more supported.
Brand, Howcroft, and Hoelson (2017) point out that giving children a chance to share their
views, with the right support, can boost their self-esteem and decision-making. When children
feel heard, they know their experiences matter, even if they cannot change what happens. This
sense of control can help protect them during stressful times like January, when changes can feel
sudden and overwhelming.
What It Means to Center the Child’s Voice
Focusing on the child’s voice does not mean asking them to make adult choices or pick a parent.
It means giving them a safe place to talk about how the changes affect them. This could include
sharing worries about routines, moving between homes, or changes in how much time they spend
with each parent.
Brand et al. (2017) found that when children’s voices are heard and not ignored, they feel more
emotionally supported. This support can help them become more resilient and feel less helpless.
Being included also helps keep children safe, especially during custody talks or big changes.
Mental health professionals are important in this process. Therapists and counselors can help
children understand their feelings, see their reactions as normal, and talk about their needs
without feeling responsible for their parents. In January, when emotions are often stronger, this
support can make a big difference.
Safety, Stability, and the New Year
Changes in January often mean new living situations, different school routines, or updated
custody schedules. These changes can upset a child’s sense of stability, which is important for
their emotional safety. When children can talk about what worries them, adults can better offer
comfort and consistency.
Brand et al. (2017) say that including children in conversations, when done carefully, can help
protect them during stressful times. For example, knowing a child’s worries about moving
between homes can help parents make transitions easier and co-parent better. Not every wish can
be granted, but listening can help prevent emotional harm.
Returning to school in January after family changes can make children feel more vulnerable.
Teachers and school counselors might see changes in behavior, schoolwork, or emotions.Working together,
families and mental health professionals can spot children who need extra help
and make sure they are not facing these challenges alone.
Implications for Parents
For parents thinking about separation or divorce in January, clear and thoughtful communication
is essential. Children respond best when they receive honest, age-appropriate explanations that
emphasize stability, reassurance, and the continued love of both parents. Parents should avoid
secrecy or sudden announcements, as unexpected news can create feelings of shock, mistrust, or
self-blame in children.
Practical steps can help parents center children’s well-being during this emotionally charged
time:
●Prepare conversations in advance: Think about how to explain changes in a way
children can understand. Use concrete examples for younger children, and provide more
context for older kids who may have complex questions.
● Maintain routines whenever possible: Consistency in daily schedules like school,
meals, bedtime help children feel safe even amidst change. Small rituals, like weekend
family breakfasts or regular check-ins, can reinforce stability.
● Validate feelings: Encourage children to share their emotions without judgment.
Acknowledge sadness, anger, or confusion as normal responses to family transitions.
● Coordinate with co-parents: Clear, respectful communication between parents reduces
conflict and helps children see that both caregivers prioritize their well-being. This is
especially important in January when routines and expectations are being reset.
●Engage support systems: Teachers, school counselors, or mental health professionals
can provide guidance and extra stability during periods of adjustment. Parents who
proactively involve supportive adults help children feel less isolated and more
understood.
Looking Forward: A Different Kind of New Beginning
People often see January as a time for new beginnings. For families going through divorce, this
idea can feel difficult and painful. But when children’s voices are respected and supported, the
New Year can be a time for healing instead of hurt.By seeing January as both a risky and promising time, parents
and professionals can take steps to protect children’s mental health. Listening to children will not stop a divorce,
but it can change how they go through it. When children feel heard, they build resilience, self-worth, and trust
qualities that last long after the divorce is final. As more divorces happen each January, the real question is not
just how adults handle separation, but how we protect the children involved. Giving children a chance to share
their feelings is not only caring but also supported by research and ethics, and it is vital for their long-term
well-being. If you are in a state of transition, in your relationship–family therapy is an important process where all can process the ending of one phase and the next phase
References
Reference Brand, C., Howcroft, G., & Hoelson, C. N. (2017). The voice of the child in parental
divorce: Implications for clinical practice and mental health practitioners. Journal of Child and
Adolescent Mental Health, 29(2), 169–178. https://doi.org/10.2989/17280583.2017.1345746
